society pressures + getting clear on my truth

Dear Jenn,

I am 33 and starting to worry about my age - feeling the pressure of society saying get married, have babies, buy a house etc. and that worries me because I am not clear on whether I want my own kids or what I really want.  

~Alex


Dear Alex,

I can SO relate to this one.  Ooooo the pressures of society and finding our own clarity.  Really great question.  Thanks for sending as I know it will speak to many.

I'm hearing a couple of different things here.  One, how to deal with the pressures of society and two, how to get clear on what you really want.

We all have a blueprint in our mind/psyches that begins cultivating when we’re young.  Most of us have an idea of what we think our lives "should" look like by a certain age. We learn this from our families, our social circles, our society, our teachers, our media, our pop culture and then we compile all this data and decide how we think we "should" be living our lives.  The danger is that many of us try and create things in our lives from what we think they "should" look like rather than what feels right.  We try to figure out life from our heads without sensing or feeling into it.  

So and so said I should have kids or I'll be miserable… My parents always told me the most important thing in life is to get married… My friend, a real estate agent said, I'm just throwing my money away renting and not paying into a mortgage.

These are merely opinions which can actually be far from our own individual truth.  

Perhaps, our life purpose is to experience life without kids. And when we look deeper, marriage isn't really that important to us at this time.  And renting right now is in our best interest as having a mortgage would take away the flexibility that is needed to follow our dreams.

To really break free from these blueprints that keep us worrying about where we're at, we need first to become aware of the deeply rooted beliefs that are driving us and question them with an open mind. What am I telling myself my life should look like right now? Where did I learn this? Is this even my truth?  

Now let's go a little deeper and see what our senses and our body are saying to us.   Believe it or not 90% of our communication is non-verbal (yes, even with ourselves), yet most of us spend the majority of the time in our heads thinking about our situations and very disconnected to what we are sensing and feeling.  

Can you think of a time in your life when you felt really clear and knew what your truth was regardless of what others thought?  What did that feel like in your body?  

Now, can you think of a time in your life when you knew you made a choice that went against everything in you?  How did that feel in your body?

Notice the difference.  This is your starting point.  Cultivating clarity starts with little baby steps. Play with these two different feelings with your every day decisions, for example, what you eat, who you hang out with, what activities you do, which direction you choose to take getting places?  Do they feel true to you or incongruent to you? Cultivating clarity is developing a muscle.  What feels right in this moment?  Clarity is moment to moment, ever changing.  What might be true for you today might not be true for you tomorrow.   

Beginning to understand our relationship with our senses and our bodies is a lifelong process, an ever growing friendship with our being.  Confusion or not knowing is also a very normal part of the process. We've got to start somewhere.

Our inner wisdom is always available to us and our body never lies ... our quest is to become quiet enough to hear them.  Be patient with yourself, be open and willing to challenge some of these deep seated beliefs and remember there are no mistakes ... only opportunities to get clearer on your truth.

Love,
Jenn xx